Forgive the Insubordination
by mpissott
Summary: Commander Noelle Shepard was never known to be kind to aliens. That is, until she met Garrus Vakarian. He makes her question everything she thought she knew.
1. Chapter 1

If there's one thing Commander Noelle Shepard is known for, it's _not_ her cheery nature. She was nice to members of her crew, and generally reserved as long as people didn't piss her off, but she was always seen as a little rough around the edges. It is needless to say that as she walked up the steps of the Citadel Tower to meet with the Council, a scowl was plastered to her face.

The Council was presenting their findings in an investigation against one of their own, a turian Spectre named Saren; Commander Shepard had a vested interest in how this turned out, seeing as it was her mission that was derailed by the scaly vermin's tricks.

Her indignant glower remained when she ran into two turians on the first landing. Humans and turians _did not_ get along. Ever since the First Contact War, relations had been strained; she didn't see that changing anytime soon. Turians were too rigid for Shepard, personally; they always had to follow the rules of their superiors, never daring to question anything. It was to her surprise that when she grew nearer to the aliens, she witnessed her first act of turian defiance.

"Saren's hiding something, give me more time," said the one turian. "Stall them."

The other turian shook his head and scoffed, "You don't stall the Council. Don't be ridiculous. Your investigation is over, Garrus."

The one named Garrus placed his hand exasperatedly on his head while the second turian walked away. In this time, Noelle took the opportunity to observe Garrus's features. He was tall, and though most turians were, Shepard found it to be a little intimidating. His face was marked with blue paint under his eyes and along his cheeks. She noticed a blue visor over his left eye, and wondered why a C-Sec officer would have such a tactical piece of equipment. Noting the presence of Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, and Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Garrus straightened his posture and turned to greet them.

"Commander Shepard? Garrus Vakarian, I was the C-Sec officer in charge of the investigation into Saren."

Shepard crossed her arms and raised one of her eyebrows at him. Her voice was rich with sarcasm when she retorted, "You must really want to bring him down." Garrus must have been up to something. Turians always looked out for their own.

"Yeah," he replied, "but he's a Spectre, everything he does is classified. I can't find anything solid. But he's up to something, I can feel it in my gut."

As Officer Vakarian was talking, Shepard did all she could to observe his body language. She noticed that his fists were clenched, his mandibles flared. She knew little of the undertones found in turian voices, but she knew enough to sense his emotions. He was exhibiting all signs of turian aggression, though not against her. Noelle could sense his determination. She had never seen a turian willing to take down one of their own, but the hunger in his eyes was undeniable.

After a short staring contest, Noelle relaxed her stance and sighed. "Okay," she conceded, "hopefully what you found will be enough to convince the Council." Before she knew it, she was reaching out to shake the strange turian's hand. She thought the gesture was strange for her. She bore no love, and very little respect for turians. Still, Garrus's three-fingered hand connecting with hers almost felt...natural.

He returned her handshake and said, "Good luck, Commander. Maybe they'll listen to you."

She smirked at him and walked away. Garrus Vakarian was no ordinary turian, and she intended to find out more about him.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrus was stuck in a corner of the Med Clinic, waiting for a distraction so he could save Dr. Michel. His leads in the case against Saren brought him here, where Fist's thugs were threatening the doctor. A few minutes later, the distraction he was searching for arrived in the form of Commander Shepard, the human Lieutenant, and the other human that liked to look at him like he had two heads. The Commander made eye contact with him immediately, and the smirk he had seen once already today reappeared on her face along with a wink. Then, Garrus knew, was the time to strike. He lunged out of cover and shot at the man holding a gun to Dr. Michel's head. He wanted to continue his assault but was enraptured by the Commander's skills in battle. He soon realized that she was skilled in tech abilities, watching her overload one thug's shield while pulling out her shotgun and taking down another. She moved so smoothly, he couldn't help but stare. This human was certainly the most interesting one he'd ever met.

Garrus hadn't thought much of the other humans he'd met; they were mostly politicians or criminals. Commander Shepard was the first one he'd encountered that seemed to deserve any respect.

When the Commander finished off the last of Fist's thugs, she turned and looked at Garrus. Her expression went from serious to her signature smirk as she said, "Nice shot. Good to see you again, Officer Vakarian."

"The pleasure's all mine, Commander," He responded in kind, the turian equivalent of a smirk also playing upon his face at her praise. He thought it was so strange to get along so well with a human. He was admiring her features-her short, dark brown hair, chestnut eyes, and the mysterious scar that ran from her left eyebrow to her right cheek-when he realized that they had been silent for a less than comfortable amount of time.

Snapping out of his daze, he cleared his throat and said, "Dr. Michel, are you hurt?"

"No, I'm okay. Thanks to you. All of you." She said, seemingly calming down from the barrage of gunfire in her clinic.

"Happy to help," the Commander said with a tender smile. She then looked up at Garrus and said, "So, Officer Vakarian, are you ready to hunt down information on Saren and take down the traitorous bastard?"

"I'd be delighted," Garrus replied, "That's actually the reason I came here."

"Oh yes," said Dr. Michel, "I wanted to tell you about the quarian."

"What quarian?" inquired the Commander.

"She had important information on Saren and the geth." At that, Commander Shepard looked at her comrades and then to Garrus. "Then we need to find this quarian," she said, more determined than ever. "Dr. Michel, do you know where I can find her?"

"You should talk to Fist, he's an agent for the Shadow Broker. Or, at least, he was. I directed to quarian to him, but then I found out that he started working for Saren instead."

"Skipper," the human female said, "we should go find that krogan bounty hunter we saw in Chora's Den. He was looking for Fist."

A krogan? Shepard was already leery about the turians, but the krogan were practically animals. The fact that Williams even suggested recruiting one made her nervous. The krogan were unpredictable, large, and very powerful. Unfortunately, needing all the help she could get, she replied, "I don't even know where we would find him."

"We just took a krogan into C-Sec Academy," Garrus said. Shepard looked to him for an explanation, and as if he had read her mind, he added, "Fist accused him of making threats. We brought him in for a talk. If we leave now we should be able to catch him."

Shepard nodded and smiled. What was it about this turian that made her feel the need to be nice? She had never been nice to turians; she could not see why this one should be any different, but he was. He had already proved her wrong by going after Saren, and he continued to do so by resuming his investigation without permission. In that moment, she decided she needed Garrus on her team; someone determined, with personal stake in the issue. She turned to Kaidan and said, "Lieutenant, return to the Normandy; Garrus is going to be accompanying me on this one."

She caught a glimpse of the lieutenant-was he scowling at Garrus?-but when he looked at her, he saluted and replied, "Aye aye, ma'am."

Wrex was certainly a type of person Commander Shepard wasn't used to dealing with-not in the Alliance, anyway. She had been around Alliance soldiers her whole life because of her parents; they were structured, obedient, and usually reserved, not speaking unless they were spoken to. Wrex was _completely_ the opposite. You couldn't keep that thing from it's goal if you tried. He had a lot of attitude and an urge to fight, and reluctantly, he reminded Shepard of herself. He was willing to do whatever it took to get the job done, like she had done on Torfan. She may not like aliens, but she damn-well respected Wrex's determination.

With Wrex and Garrus at her side, Shepard invaded Chora's Den and made her way into Fist's office. He revealed that he had sent the quarian straight into the arms of one of Saren's assassins, and they had to act quickly. Before she could get her thoughts together, Wrex shot Fist. Like she said-he gets the job done, no matter what.

Shepard and her crew ran quickly to reach the quarian. Wrex even slammed through a door on the way, forcing Shepard to stifle a laugh. The quarian was seconds away from being killed when Shepard and the crew arrived. Just as the assassin reached for his gun, Garrus took out his sniper rifle and put a bullet right through his head. Shepard had to regain her composure upon watching him take the shot; she admired his finesse. She knew how to use a sniper rifle, but was better at shotguns; more straightforward and in-your-face. Garrus just looked over to her and nodded his head after taking the shot, like it was something as easy as breathing. It had taken them minutes to wipe out the other assassins, and they ran to the quarian.

Her name was Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. She was on her pilgrimage, some rite of passage for the quarian race, when she had discovered audio on a disabled geth proving Saren's guilt. They brought the evidence to Udina, the human ambassador, immediately and he took Tali, telling Shepard, Wrex and Garrus to meet him in the Citadel Tower for another meeting with the Council.

The meeting with the Council went the way it should have the first time-with Saren's Spectre status revoked, and Shepard being initiated as the first human Spectre. Her first mission was, of course, to bring Saren down-_no big deal, right?_ she thought. However, she had to admit, she was proud to be humanity's first Spectre.

As the meeting ended, she saw Garrus walking away. She felt her stomach drop at the sight; she didn't want to see him go-not yet, and before thinking, she shouted, "Vakarian, where are you going?! We have a rogue Spectre to track down, get your ass back here!"

Garrus had gotten comfortable on the Normandy within the next few days. He found a space in the shuttle bay where he could tinker with the Mako. He had made at least two friends on the ship-Wrex and Tali were also invited to join the Normandy's crew. They were even on their way to pick up an asari named Liara T'Soni. He couldn't speak for the human crew, though; Kaidan and Ashley both seemed wary of him.

In all the things Garrus had read about Shepard, he had learned that she was ruthless, and a typical human; wary of aliens in every way. Her efforts on Torfan proved that she would spare nothing if it meant keeping humans alive. Nothing could have prepared him for the real Commander Shepard, though. She was funny, sarcastic, and generally friendly. Her eyes sparkled when she spoke about the things she enjoyed-from what Garrus gathered, that included shooting things, listening to music, and reading. So far, nothing he read about her seemed true; she was extremely pleasant to be around. Sure, she seemed distrusting of the aliens within the first few minutes of meeting them, but she also warmed up to everyone quickly.

On the way to find the asari, Garrus was trying to optimize the Mako's combat. He was calibrating the guns and trying to upgrade the armor, when Commander Shepard stepped off the elevator. She must have just showered because her fringe-oh right, humans called it _hair_-was wet. She was wearing an Alliance hoodie and matching sweatpants, and holding two beers. He was shocked when she walked over to him and placed one of those beers in his hand. Great, now he had to find a way to tell her he couldn't eat or drink anything that humans could. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Shepard beat him to it.

"Don't worry," she said, "I got you that dextro shit. Can't have you being poisoned on my watch, ya know?" She smiled and sat down on a crate next to Garrus. "Besides, I figure on a mission like this, I need to keep all my crew well fed, and occasionally drunk."

Garrus chuckled at that. "Careful Shepard, you might mess with my aim. Your best sniper can't be all wobbly going out on a mission."

"Speaking of which, where the hell did you learn how to use a sniper rifle like that?" she asked. Her eyes were bright, genuine curiosity written all over her face.

Her innocent appearance made him smile. "The turian military helps with that. I can't say the same about the Alliance, you can't aim for shit."

"Hey, hey, hey!" she countered, "You may be able to pick enemies off with your fancy rifle but get a bullet from my shotgun in your face and your mouth would be on the opposite end of the room from your eyes." She howled with laughter at her own joke.

While she was laughing, Garrus got a really good look at her. Based on what he knew about humans, she was attractive for her species. She had shoulder length, dark brown hair, and full lips. She had curves that you would barely see in the outfit she was wearing, but in a dress would be so obvious human men could become animalistic at their presence. She carried herself with confidence and wasn't afraid to be herself, regardless of who she was talking to. The only physical fault she had-if you would even call it that-was a long scar across her face. Even so, she's what the humans refer to as a "knockout".

Garrus realized that he needed to think of something to say quickly so he didn't make her uncomfortable. When her laughter subsided, he cleared his throat and said, "So, did you just come down here to threaten the lone turian on your crew?"

"Nah," she replied, her composure back to normal, "I just want to get to know my crew; you're the one that's being the big macho ball-buster." Another smile emerged on her face.

At that, Garrus prompted her to start asking him questions, to which he would respond and ask her a question. He learned about her family in the Alliance, as well as their parts in the First Contact War. She learned about his family-his father, sister, and ailing mother. She told him about enlisting and about her decisions on Torfan and he realized that the reason she had the reputation she did wasn't because it was true. On paper, anyone looking at her abandoning her crew on Torfan would find her to be ruthless and cold. But get to know the real Commander Shepard, and you would feel totally different. There was a charm about her; she had layers, ones that she would only reveal when she was ready.

They drank a few more beers each and talked into the night. They joked and learned what they could about each other, like they were old friends just catching up. However, the mood shifted late into the night.

Shepard was just laughing at a joke that Garrus had told, when she looked to her right and stopped all together. She dropped her head, and Garrus asked if she was okay.

"Yeah…" she said, sounding unsure of herself, "I think I just had too much beer." She chucked, but it wasn't as light-hearted as before. "Hey, Garrus, I have to go, but we should do this again sometime."

She rested her hand on his shoulder and walked back to the elevator. Garrus looked to where Shepard looked before she stopped laughing, and found the face of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams scowling at him. At that point he realized, getting along with Shepard was the easy part. But the people that sought the idea of Commander Shepard-the heartless, racist war hero-would be a problem of their own.


	3. Chapter 3

Noelle continued visiting the crew, including Garrus, on a regular basis. She had gotten to know all of them well, but enjoyed herself the most when joking around with the turian. On the battlefield, they had already developed a speechless system of understanding, exchanging instructions in the form of looks, and that was translating to life on the Normandy as well. Shepard had never been this comfortable with a turian, and she didn't know how to feel about it.

She knew how her human crew felt, however. Kaidan, though not openly expressing his surprise and confusion about Noelle's friendship with Garrus, was clearly uncomfortable and seemed to view Garrus as a threat, though the commander couldn't understand why. Gunnery Chief Williams, on the contrary, was rather vocal about her opinion of Garrus and the other aliens on the ship.

It all started the first night she spent talking to Garrus on the Normandy. Toward the end of their conversation, Noelle looked to her right, only to see Ashley staring at her, looking extremely discontented. The next morning, Noelle decided to speak to Ashley and see if there was anything that needed to be said. Without even asking, Commander Shepard got the response she was expecting.

"I'm concerned about the aliens," Ashley started almost immediately after Shepard entered the shuttle bay. "With all due respect, Commander," she continued, "should they really have full access to the ship...or you? I mean, the vids always painted you a certain way and I expected…"

Shepard cut her off before she could finish. "What? Expected me to only take you and Alenko on missions? That Vakarian, Wrex, Tali, and Liara were only brought aboard to appease the Council? If you haven't noticed Williams, I'm not here to appease anyone." Shepard immediately grew defensive at the Gunnery Chief's assumptions.

"Commander, I just assumed based on your actions on Torfan...I mean, you wiped out the batarians…"

"Everyone assumes things about Torfan," Shepard interrupted, "Commander Shepard, the ruthless, xenophobic bitch, right? The thing about that is they only know a fraction of that story-of my story. Honestly Williams, I respect the fact that you came to me with this; it's more than Alenko would do. But this is my ship; not yours, Vakarian's, Alenko's, or anyone else's-_mine_. All of the 'aliens'-who have names, by the way-are important parts of the crew, and talented fighters. They are people that _I_ picked to be a part of _my _crew. So your concerns seem like more of a problem to you than they are to me. I suggest you resolve this inner conflict or your time on the Normandy will be cut short."

Williams stood there in shock. The Commander knew that she had been a bit tough on Williams, but she felt very defensive of her crew, and her decisions. Since her actions on Torfan, Noelle's reputation escalated; she was no longer a woman in the eyes of the people, she was an object to be admired. Though she put on a show for anyone that required it, Shepard's reputation bothered her. Ashley quickly regained her composure and said, "Aye aye, ma'am. It won't be a problem." The Commander then placed her hands on Williams shoulder, gave a caring but stern smile, and walked away, convinced she had proved her point.

That night, the Commander walked to her cabin, only to find Williams in the mess hall talking to Garrus and Wrex. The Commander greeted them all, and shot Williams an approving smile.

Commander Shepard got ready for sleep and closed her eyes. She wasn't prepared for what happened next.

_Garrus came walking into her cabin, only to find the Commander with her eyes closed. He went to turn around but ended up knocking over some datapads, waking the Commander. Groggily, she said, "Oh, Garrus, hi. Did you need something?" Shepard, seemingly prepared for anything at any time, quickly shook off the cobwebs while Garrus got his thoughts together._

"_Uh, sorry," he started, "I didn't know you were asleep. I just...I overheard Williams and your conversation today about me, Tali, Wrex, and Liara, and well...thanks. For sticking up for us. You didn't have to."_

_The Commander flashed a quick smile and replied, "Oh, Garrus, you don't need to thank me for that. I was just telling the truth. Please, sit down, we didn't get to talk today and I'd like to share a drink."_

_Garrus sat down as the Commander pulled out two types of liquid; one for humans, another for turians. She poured them each a glass and sat pensively before saying, "You know, Garrus, I can't figure out what it is about you; you intrigue me. From the moment I met you, I understood you, and you understood me. Do you know how rare that is?" She took a sip from her glass and continued, "No one really gets me, they only get the idea of the great Commander Shepard...but you see Noelle."_

_Then, Shepard did something she never thought she would do. She sat right next to Garrus, used her hand to pull his face to hers, and kissed him. She didn't know why, but it had felt like she wanted to do this forever._

Shepard jolted up, startled by her own dream. She went into her bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. Garrus? Did she have feelings for Garrus? She knew he had become a great friend, but having romantic feelings for him was another story entirely. Though she didn't enjoy it, she had somewhat of a reputation to uphold. A turian-human romance between her and the rogue C-Sec officer would do nothing to reinforce that reputation. It was then that the Commander knew what she had to do. She got dressed and went out into the mess hall for breakfast. A little while later, she saw Alenko at his usual spot, and gained her composure.

She sauntered over to him, looked flirtatiously, and said,"Hey, Alenko, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Garrus had decided last night that he needed to talk to Shepard-to thank her. Yesterday he had been working on the Mako when he overheard the Commander talking to Chief Williams. Williams was complaining about the aliens on the ship, and Commander Shepard had defended all of them. After that, Williams wasn't exactly friendly, but she had stopped staring at him like he had two heads. He had been grateful that the Commander intervened and made life more comfortable for him on the ship. He needed her to know that.

When he woke up in the morning he stepped on to the elevator to speak to Shepard in her cabin. He knocked on her door only to hear her laughter coming from the mess hall. He looked over and saw Shepard talking to Lieutenant Alenko. Shepard had regular conversations with all of her crew, but Garrus could tell this was different. Shepard was acting like a teenage girl, twirling her hair and laughing a little too loud at the Lieutenant's jokes. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought she was interested in Kaidan.

_But what if she is interested in him? _Garrus thought. He wasn't sure why the thought bothered him so much. Alenko seemed like a good person overall, if not a little wary of Garrus himself. But he didn't seem like Shepard's type. He was attractive by human standards, but her previous conversations with him seemed to have little relevance and resembled small talk more than flirtation. He was a skilled soldier, but Shepard rarely took him into battle. He couldn't understand where this sudden interest came from, and why she was acting so strangely.

In fact, the more he watched Shepard, the more her behavior disturbed him. He had never seen her act the way she was now. Shepard is a respectable woman, and shouldn't have to dumb herself down for anybody. But when she was talking to Alenko, she was no longer the fierce, dominant, hilarious Noelle Shepard he had come to know. She was actually being submissive, letting him take control of the conversation, and stroking his ego when the conversation deemed it appropriate.

Though he was bothered by what he noticed about the Commander, he would never bring it up to her. She was his superior, and he knew she would grow angry at his questions. Just as he was about to stop staring, Alenko caught his eye. Immediately the Lieutenant's face changed, and he spoke solemnly to Shepard, nodding in Garrus's direction. Shepard turn around to look at Garrus, her cheeks flushing to a vibrant red. Turning around, she put her hand on Kaidan's shoulder and departed, walking towards Garrus.

Her stature changed immediately to that of the comfortable and confident Commander Shepard. "Hey Garrus!" she said. Realizing she still sounded like an excited little girl from her conversation with Alenko, she cleared her throat and said, "Did you need something?"

Garrus tried to push aside his thoughts of Shepard's behavior long enough to formulate his thoughts on the reason he actually intended to speak with her. When he found the right words he spoke. "Yeah," he hesitantly continued, trying to find the right words, "I just wanted to thank you."

The Commander looked quizzically back at Garrus. "For what?" she asked, genuinely confused about what he meant.

"Commander, I heard your conversation with Gunnery Chief Williams yesterday. No one has ever stuck up for me like that, especially a human. Most humans look at us the way Williams does, so her outlook doesn't surprise me. But, I've never met anyone like you, Shepard, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you."

The Commander's facial features went from tense to soft as Garrus spoke. Her light brown eyes were almost unreadable to Garrus, and by now he'd become quite good at reading human expressions. He wasn't sure what to think until she threw her arms around him. She hugged him tightly and said, "Thank you, Garrus. You have no idea how much that means to me. I'm glad I have a friend in you." She wiped her eyes, and Garrus wondered if the Commander had been crying during their hug. "Anyway," she proceeded, "We're going to visit our first human colony today-Feros. You and Alenko are coming with me, we're docking in about 3 hours. Be ready, I have no clue what to expect."

Garrus nodded, and Shepard took that as her cue to return to her cabin. He was surprised that Alenko was accompanying them, but her behavior towards him this morning could be enough to explain that.

Exactly three hours later, Commander Shepard, Lieutenant Alenko, and Garrus were waiting at the airlock to investigate Feros. Every time the Commander had her back turned, Alenko would look at Garrus very strangely. Whatever their conversation had been about, it had certainly changed the way Alenko viewed Garrus, though he struggled to figure out why.

Feros had thrown off the crew. They were immediately greeted by geth, who took out the one human that was to escort them to the colony. Instead, the three of them had to fight their way through a large amount of geth to actually reach the colony at all. When they had, the colonists were at the entrance wielding small pistols to do whatever damage they could. They spoke to the leader, Fai Dan, and made their way to the highway above in order to take out the remaining geth.

The team had navigated the highway, taken out the geth dropship, and were headed back to Feros to take out the Thorian, the plant that was controlling the minds of all of the ExoGeni colonists. Shepard had insisted that they use paralyzing grenades instead of killing the colonists, who attacked as soon as they realized that the team was out to kill the Thorian.

The Thorian was much bigger than they expected. They had to take out nodes along the side of the plant in order to kill it. Out of those nodes came husk-like creatures, as well as green copies of an unknown asari commando. The Thorian's minions were easy enough to take out, but the commandos proved challenging and dangerous at close range. Normally this wouldn't be a problem for Garrus, since he usually stayed back with his sniper rifle, but one got past Alenko and ran right through to Garrus.

Before Garrus was hit with a powerful biotic throw, he looked to Alenko, and noticed that his attention was turned to Garrus, not to the fight. Had he intentionally let the commando pass? Even more suspicious was the fact that while Alenko was looking, he didn't do anything to apprehend the commando he effortlessly let pass him.

Garrus was knocked back so hard with biotics that he was bashed into the concrete walls of the complex, and his gun went off the edge of the staircase. He was defenseless when a bullet went straight through the commando's head. As the asari fell, he saw Shepard holding her shotgun; she had saved his life.

"You okay, Vakarian?" she asked, behaving the same way a concerned parent would. She checked him for injuries while he replied.

"I'm fine, Noelle...I mean Commander," he chuckled. He only called her by her first name when it was the two of them talking; he quickly adjusted his tone so not to appear to be undermining her. "I guess my head is a little bit more banged up then I thought." The two of them laughed as he continued, "My gun is gone, though."

After Shepard was convinced that Garrus hadn't sustained any serious injuries, she rose and took out her sniper rifle from its holster, "Here, borrow this." She threw the gun and he caught it effortlessly. She shot a look at Alenko, and they left to finish off the Thorian.

On the way back to the Normandy, Alenko decided it was time to break his silence. "Sorry, Garrus, sorry, Commander. I can't believe that asari clone got past me."

He expected Shepard to argue with Alenko, calling him on purposely letting the commando pass him, or at least for being careless in battle. But she just flashed him a smile and said, "It's okay, Kaidan. People make mistakes."

Garrus was seething as they entered the airlock. He couldn't believe the Commander had blown off Alenko's "_error"_. Garrus could have died because of what he did, and all Shepard could do was brush it off because she _had a crush on him_? The smarter half of him was telling him to cool off before talking to Shepard, but the angry turian couldn't comply. He stripped his helmet off and threw it on the floor next to the galaxy map, following Shepard into her cabin.

Shepard must not have realized that Garrus followed her because when she turned around to see him in her room she jumped. "Garrus, you scared the shit out of me!" she gasped.

Garrus, practically hissing, replied, "Well, you're scaring the shit out of me too, _Noelle_." She appeared immediately hurt by his tone, but he couldn't stop. "First, you act like a silly little girl towards Alenko, and then when he tries to get me _killed_, you forgive him without asking for an explanation or scolding him at all?! I put my life on the line for you and for our cause every day, and this is how you repay me? By forgiving the man you're sleeping with for almost causing my death?"

Shepard's eyes were wide now, and Garrus could tell he'd pissed her off. "How dare you, Garrus!" she retorted, making Garrus feel like he had just awoken a sleeping bear. "I am not favoring Alenko because we're together and he did _not_ try to kill you! I would never condone an action like that. I thought you knew me better than that."

Garrus scoffed, "Shepard, he _stared directly at me_ as the commando took me down. He didn't flinch, he didn't shoot her, he did nothing! He wanted me to get hurt. Even if by some chance, it was an accident, it was a _huge_ accident. I have been close to death before, that's not even what bothers me. It's that you have literally _betrayed_ me because you're into the Lieutenant. You've been the best friend I've ever had but Alenko turns you into someone that isn't Noelle Shepard. You stand back and let him take control every time he speaks, and it doesn't seem to bother you at all!"

Shepard was staring at him, tears welling up in her eyes. Garrus had crossed a line, he knew that. He reached out to her but she slapped his hand away. "Just go, Garrus. I can't even look at you right now," she whispered.

Garrus left, and couldn't sleep all night.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard couldn't sleep at all that night. She thought about everything that Garrus had said to her, and how true it all was. How her behavior had changed since she started dating Alenko, how she had blatantly ignored his serious mistake, and worst of all, the fact that she had betrayed Garrus.

Noelle knew she had to apologize, but somehow, apologizing didn't seem like enough. What would she even say? _"Hey, sorry my boyfriend tried to hurt you and I didn't even flinch"_? She had noticed what Garrus had, but didn't want to believe that Kaidan was capable of doing that. Sure, she had only gotten involved with him because she needed to keep her distance from her feelings towards Garrus, but she had gotten to know him really well. She respected him and didn't think he would stoop so low. But Garrus was right in everything he said, and Shepard had to make it up to him.

The idea came to her so late in the night that everyone was asleep, even Joker. She snuck out of her cabin, trying to be as quiet as possible. Tiptoeing to her locker, she grabbed the one thing that would help patch things up with Garrus. She decided to go down to the Mako and wait for him to wake up.

When the elevator doors opened to the shuttle bay, Noelle was surprised to see Garrus right next to the Mako, tinkering with a part she didn't even know existed. She smirked to herself, knowing that if there was a part that needed fixing, Garrus would find it, no matter how obscure. She took a deep breath and walked out of the elevator towards him.

He only noticed her when she walked right in front of him. He looked up at her slowly, like he didn't believe it was her. He started talking immediately, "Shepard. Noelle, I'm so-"

"No," she cut him off immediately. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I'm so so sorry. You were right; everything you said was true. I've been a bumbling idiot in this whole situation with Kaidan. Hurting his feelings should have been the last thing on my mind when he put your life on the line. You're the best friend I've ever had and I won't lose that. _I can't_. I know an apology can't be enough for what happened, but I was hoping what I have behind my back might."

Shepard smirked and revealed her present to him. It was a Mantis sniper rifle; the best one around, and the one thing Garrus has ever wanted. Shepard had picked it up on the Citadel shortly after meeting Garrus, and was looking for the right time to give it to him without appearing strange.

Garrus looked shocked. He grabbed the rifle, and glanced at it, then Shepard, and repeated the process. "Shepard," he started, "I-I-I can't accept this. I said all of those things to hurt you. I don't deserve it."

"Well, regardless," she began with a smile, "I didn't spend credits on this thing for no one to use it. It's yours, always has been. I know this can't make up for anything, but are we okay?"

Garrus hugged his new rifle, hugged Shepard, and said, "Forever." Shepard melted into his arms. She could have kissed him right there, but didn't act on her impulse. She decided to tell Garrus something that she wouldn't tell anyone else. Something that she had been holding in since dating Alenko-since Torfan, if she thought about it hard enough.

"You know, there's a reason I've been acting so differently around Kaidan." Garrus broke their embrace and offered her a seat on a crate next to the Mako. Shepard made herself comfortable and began talking. "You see, I have quite the reputation, if you didn't know. I'm known as quite the ruthless bastard in the Alliance. Ever hear the lovely story of me getting my entire unit killed on Torfan? You know, the thing that _made _Commander Shepard's career?" Garrus nodded and smirked at Shepard's sarcastic recitation of her story. "Well, Vakarian, everyone thinks that because I was a supposed bitch that one time, I'm going to be that way every single time I enter battle. Hell, strangers even expect it as soon as I introduce myself. In truth, it's not fun being the person everyone is afraid of. The way I acted with Kaidan was my way to escape that." Shepard ran her fingers through her increasingly long hair and sighed, continuing, "Honestly, I think I was hoping to find the real Noelle Shepard in that. None of it is really me though. I've lived my life as a military brat, joined the military because of my parents, got my reputation on Torfan, and been the same person ever since. I've never been Noelle; I've been Commander Shepard. And what's worse, is that the way I actually feel is so far from the way I'm represented. I don't hate aliens, and I don't love getting my crew killed. Anyone that does is a complete and utter asshole. But that's how everyone sees me."

Garrus was silent for a long time, and Shepard grew nervous waiting for what he would say. He appeared to finally have the words. He looked up at her and whispered, "That's not how I see you."

"How do you see me?" Shepard asked.

"I know you don't think you have your own identity, but you do," he started quickly, as if the words were coming as easy as breathing, "You _are _Noelle Shepard, you always have been. It's just that you only let certain people see that. You're a confident, funny, sarcastic, beautiful woman. You're not the events on Torfan; you're not your parents, or the person your fans see you as. You're Noelle Shepard, the girl that's as quick to smile at you if she likes you as she is to rip a hole through you with her shotgun if you piss her off too badly. The woman that has her own, definitive views on the world and isn't afraid to call you out on yours if she disagrees. The woman that looks badass in pajamas and in armor. The woman that shouldn't suppress who she is because she is afraid of how people who admire the idea of her will react. Because I'll tell you how they'll react," he continued. "They'll love you more than before. Because you're real. Because you're not some overly dramatized idea of this headstrong and crazy Alliance commander who gets the job done, no matter what. You're a person. You're not an idea, Noelle."

Shepard started tearing up. "You know," she giggled, wiping her eyes. "you're the only person who does this to me."

Garrus returned the laughter, "Yeah, who would've known that this one handsome, well-spoken turian would be your weakness." Both of them broke into a fit of laughter at that.

Once they calmed down, Shepard said, "Thank you Garrus, for everything. I'll talk to Kaidan about what he did tomorrow."

"No need," Garrus explained, "it'll be silly to bring it up now. But if he does it again, you can wring his neck, please." He smiled.

Shepard was so amazed that it was that simple. All her life, every mistake she's made, she's had to carry with her. Even the little ones. Garrus let this go so quickly. She'd never known anyone like him.

"Hey, can I hang out here the rest of the night?" she inquired. "I doubt I'm going to sleep at all, and even if I do, I'll be able to crash here. I really want to sit here and just talk."

Garrus nodded, and they spent the rest of the night talking, until eventually Shepard drifted off into a slumber.

She was awoken the next morning by Garrus. "Shepard, wake up," he murmured, just loud enough to wake her. "Joker said we'll be hitting the relay soon and I figured you'd want to get some breakfast and get ready." 

Together, Garrus and Shepard went up to the mess hall, only to be greeted by a glare from Kaidan. She knew she would have to explain this later, but right now she couldn't bring herself to care. "Hey, Kaidan," she said nonchalantly. The three of them ate breakfast, and Shepard was trying hard to break the awkward silences. After she finished her bagel, she rose and got into her casuals. She went up to the cockpit to make an announcement. She needed to decide who she was going to take with her for this mission, and people were either going to love it, or hate it.

She spoke into the comm, "Commander Shepard speaking. We'll be pulling into Noveria in an hour. Liara, I want you to accompany me; if Benezia's there I know you're going to want some answers. Garrus, suit up. You need to test out that new rifle of yours."

Shepard shut off the comm and Joker looked up at her, "No Alenko this time? Color me shocked. He's probably not going to take that too well."

"Well, you know me," Shepard retorted, sarcastic as she usually was with Joker, "I aim to please." He chuckled as Shepard went to patch up her armor.

Noveria was a mess. Benezia was there, as they had expected. It turned out she was indoctrinated by Saren-or rather, Saren's ship-and was not acting willingly. Even so, they had to kill her because she couldn't fight his power. Just before she had slipped back under his spell, she had revealed that Saren was seeking out the Mu Relay, as the conduit was found in one of the connected systems. How did Benezia find out about the Mu Relay's location? From a rachni queen imprisoned in Noveria's Peak 15 research center. To make it even better, Shepard ended up releasing the Rachni Queen on the terms that she not start an all-out war. The day just kept getting better and better.

By the time they had returned to the ship, Shepard was just eager to shower and sleep. However, her plans were stopped short by Kaidan's presence in her cabin. His look was one of anger, and she could tell that this visit was only meant to make her day worse, not better.

"What's up, Kaidan?" she asked half-heartedly. She was not prepared to get into an argument.

"Shepard, why didn't you take _me _with you to Noveria?" he asked.

"Well, Liara's mother was involved and I needed Garrus for ranged attacks. Besides, bringing you _and _Liara seems a little redundant, don't you think?" She knew that answer wouldn't satisfy him, but she didn't really care.

"Okay, but then why not bring Ashley? You keep on bringing the aliens out on missions and you're forgetting about the Alliance."

Shepard scoffed at his statement. She had brought Ashley on many missions; this wasn't about the Alliance versus the aliens and they both knew that. "Kaidan, why don't you say what's really on your mind? We both know what it is." Kaidan tried to play it off like he had no clue what she was talking about, so she continued, "it's not an issue with aliens that you have, Kaidan, it's an issue with Garrus. You know it, I know it, Garrus sure as hell knows it. I mean, you might as well have told the asari clone, 'hey, could you get that turian out of the picture? thanks!' You know I have an open door policy and I'm willing to listen to anyone's questions, comments, or complaints, but at least be real with me here!"

This elicited a more emotional response than Noelle expected. "Of course this is about Garrus, Noelle! I didn't think I had to say that for it to be clear! Garrus is getting in the way of us. You're always hanging out with him, taking him on missions. Damn it, you even slept downstairs the other night. You're too comfortable with him, Noelle!"

"Garrus isn't getting in the way of us, Kaidan!" Shepard retaliated, "You are! My relationship with Garrus and my relationship with you are two separate entities. You're making them related. Garrus is my best friend! I vent to him, we joke around-"

"That's the problem! You do all the things with him that you should be doing with me! I hate to put you in this position Shepard, but you can't have that relationship with him if you want to be with me."

Shepard stared at him in silence. Did he really think that he could put her in this position? "Kaidan," she started, almost whispering with rage, "First, you try to hurt my friend and a fellow crew member, then you embarrass and insult me by trying to cover up the true purpose of this conversation, and now you're giving _me _an ultimatum? Okay, well, here's the answer. Garrus is my best friend, and that isn't changing. This relationship _is_. I don't want to be on bad terms with you, but I can't be with you."

With that, Kaidan stormed out of Shepard's cabin. Shepard was so tired from the day that she fell asleep before she could even take her armor off.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Forgive the Insubordination

Author: mpissott

Game: Mass Effect

Characters/Pairings: Garrus Vakarian/Femshep (Noelle Shepard)

Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware.

Garrus was concerned; he hadn't heard from Shepard all night after leaving Noveria. He had seen the toll the mission had taken on her, and this spontaneous disappearance did not quell his worries. He decided that he would go up to the mess hall to eat, and if he still hadn't seen her by then, he would check in her room. If he was really being paranoid and she was okay, he could play it cool because he had to talk to her about Dr. Saleon, anyway.

A few hours later, Garrus entered the mess hall and anxiously ate his dinner, practically swallowing it whole. Realizing that no one had seen Shepard all night, he decided it was finally time to check on her. He knocked on her door, not wanting to enter on his own if she really was okay. After two minutes with no response, Garrus opened Shepard's door only to find her knocked out on her bed, still in full armor. Not knowing what happened, he shook her and shouted, "Noelle!"

Shepard awoke with a start and relief flooded Garrus's features. He realized he was still holding Shepard and relinquished her from his grasp, not wanting to linger too long. Garrus gathered his thoughts and said, "Damn Shepard, you scared me. I hadn't heard from you all night and when I came in here I thought something happened to you."

Shepard was already up and grabbing clothes from her closet, "Oh yeah, sorry. It's been a long day and I kinda fell asleep. Mind if I shower while we talk? I'm still all gross from Noveria." When Garrus looked at her confused, she quickly started, "I'm not gonna strip in front of you! Don't worry." She smirked and stepped in the shower with her armor still on. Turning on the water, she sent her armor flying and began talking.

"So, today was pretty much terrible. I'm sure you could assume that though, considering Noveria was home to both Matriarch Benezia _and_ the rachni. You know, you'd think nothing would surprise me anymore. But, having to kill Benezia with Liara _right there _wasn't easy. Then, I come back to the Normandy hoping to catch some peace and quiet when Kaidan storms in!"

Garrus asked, perplexed, "Kaidan? What did he want?"

"Ah, he wanted to complain that I didn't take him to Noveria. That I took the 'aliens' to Noveria and not him or Ash. Then he decided to change his story when I confronted him. His issue was that I brought _you_ instead of him. I told him that it was his too bad and we were over. So, terrible end to an even more terrible day, I suppose!" Shepard concluded with a sigh.

Garrus shook his head as he heard the water stop. "Geez Shepard," he replied, "I'm sorry my going on missions got in the way of-"

"Nothing," Shepard quickly retorted, "It got in the way of nothing. I want to bring you on missions and I do. The lieutenant's position on my ship or in my bedroom aren't going to change that." Shepard paused before speaking again. "He is jealous for more than one reason, though. He complains that I tell you everything and tell him nothing. I guess telling him that you're the only one who knows who I am wouldn't help the situation." Shepard chuckled as she got dressed and dried her hair.

Garrus returned the laugh, "Yeah, my guess is that wouldn't have helped."

"So, did you just come up here to check on me? Vakarian, you softy! I'm flattered." She threw a pillow at Garrus and laughed at her own joke.

For whatever reason, the joke embarrassed Garrus. Probably because it was actually true. Of course, he would never let Shepard know that. "Actually," he explained, "I had something I was hoping to talk to you about. Something personal."

Shepard nodded and Garrus elaborated, "A long time ago when I was working for C-Sec, I was monitoring black market trading for anything suspicious, when I came across a great deal of organs being sold. After a lot of searching and interrogating I had found out that a salarian geneticist named Dr. Saleon was growing organs inside his employees to sell on the black market. I confronted him and he got away, but a while back I found him under a different name. Dr. Heart, I guess that was his way of making a joke. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe we could check out his ship, I have the coordinates."

Shepard nodded, very focused on what Garrus was saying. "Sure, Garrus," she replied, "but can I ask what brought this on?"

"Well, honestly, Noelle, I think we're getting close to the end with hunting Saren. That being said, I want to get as much done as possible before then. You never know what's going to happen...if we don't make it, I-"

Garrus was cut off by Shepard's abrupt movement to the end of her bed. He didn't know if he had offended her, or what she was doing. She looked up at him and said, "I know that there are a lot of variables that we can't account for in this wild goose-chase we're on. And yeah, I think we're reaching the end, but Garrus," she continued, resting her hand on the side of his face, "we're going to make it. _You're going to make it._ Saren isn't going to win, and I'm not going to lose you, or anyone else on this crew."

Shepard's touch intrigued Garrus. He didn't exactly know how to react to being so close to the Commander. Sure, they had hugged before, Shepard had shown him vulnerability, but not like this. When he looked in her eyes, he could tell that even she wasn't sure that what she was saying was true. For the first time, he could see Noelle Shepard's fear written across her face. Immediately he wanted to comfort her, and felt guilty for bringing up his doubts. He grabbed her hand that rested on his cheek, grabbed her other hand, and wrapped them around him. In response, Shepard tightened her grip around his neck and sat on his lap. She embraced him like she never had before. She let her fear take over and let Garrus comfort her. Her breathing was restless for a while, but eventually she found sleep, slightly loosening her grip around him. Garrus lifted Shepard into his arms and placed her in her bed, trying extremely hard not to wake her from the restful slumber she so desperately needed. He placed her blankets on top of her, and placed his hand on her head gently.

"Goodnight, Shepard," he whispered, and he went to his quarters to sleep.

The next morning, Garrus was awoken by the dulcet tones of Shepard's soothing voice. "VAKAAARIANNNNN!" she screamed, "We're gonna be arriving at the freaky organ doctor's ship soon, do you _want_ me to go without you?!" She added a special touch to the end of her question by jumping right on top of Garrus to ensure that he woke up.

"Unhhhh Shepard," he half-heartedly replied, "I didn't even have my coffee yet."

Shepard giggled, "Hey, do turians even drink coffee? Get up!"

"I would, but you're sitting on me. You sure seem more cheery, how much booze did you have with _your _coffee this morning?"

She playfully slapped him on his cheek, "Calling me on my alcoholism is not the way to my heart, Vakarian! But for the record, no alcohol for me this morning. It's a little unprofessional, don't ya think?"

"Sure," Garrus retorted, "But so is sitting on a member of your crew. Not that I'm complaining." He ended his statement with a wink, deciding to give Shepard a taste of her own medicine.

With that, Shepard rose and placed her hand on her chest, pretending to be shocked. "Be still, my heart! Are you flirting with me, Garrus Vakarian?" She returned his wink.

Garrus thought for a second that he might _actually_ be flirting with her, but he couldn't think about that for too long. He didn't want to complicate things between them, and he _shouldn't_. "All right, Shepard," he groaned, "Let me get in my armor so we can go get this sick salarian bastard." Shepard replied with a nod, allowing Garrus some time alone with his thoughts.

During the brief alone time he had while putting his armor on, Garrus's thoughts jumped back and forth between Shepard and Dr. Saleon. He tried to focus on how he would handle seeing Dr. Saleon, what his reaction would be. But his mind kept wandering to Shepard and what she said about him flirting with her. Shepard had always been the playful, flirtatious type, but that wasn't Garrus's style. He hadn't known what his intentions were when he flirted with her, but he didn't want to think about it too much. Technically, Shepard was his commanding officer, he didn't want to blur those lines. Plus, they were friends. Too close to let anything romantic happen, right?

Garrus shook his thoughts as he heard Joker over the comm. They had arrived at the MSV Fedele. It was time to face Dr. Saleon, ready or not.

The doctor's new ship was far more disturbing than any of the stuff Garrus had seen before. Now, Dr. Saleon had moved from growing organs inside people to using the people themselves as test subjects. Garrus, Shepard and Kaidan, ironically enough, had to fight their way through numerous rabid thralls to reach the doctor. When they finally reached him, he tried to act innocent.

"Thank you!" he yelled, "Thank you for saving me from those...things."

Garrus saw right through him and couldn't contain his anger. How dare he try to fool Shepard. Before he could even get his thoughts straight, he exclaimed, "Commander, that's him! That's Dr. Saleon!"

The doctor, putting on a show, looked flabbergasted and said, "What? My name is Heart, Dr. Heart! Please, get me out of here." Yep, that was his idea of a sick joke, alright. But when Garrus looked over at Shepard, he could see the apprehension on her face.

"Are you sure it's him, Garrus?" she asked him. He knew that she wanted to be absolutely sure, but he couldn't help but feel slightly hurt by her doubt in him.

"Positive," he replied. Facing Dr. Saleon, he hissed, "There's no escape this time, doctor. I'd harvest your organs first, but we don't have the time."

The doctor replied, "You're crazy! He's crazy! Please, don't let him do this to me." Now he was trying to gain Shepard's sympathy. Garrus hoped she would see right through this. Instead, Noelle stepped in between Garrus and Dr. Saleon, facing directly towards Garrus.

Clearly trying to quell his anger, she placed a hand on his arm and whispered, "We'll take him in. Drop him off with the military."

Garrus wouldn't back down, "But...we have him. We can't let him get away. Not again?"

Looking Garrus straight in the eye, Noelle elaborated, "If he dies, we'll never know what he's been up to, or how he did it. We'll take him in, interrogate him, and he'll serve his time."

Sensing that Garrus calmed down, Shepard stepped back into her original position between Alenko and himself. Garrus looked at Shepard and sighed, "I've-okay. You're right." Then he looked up at the doctor and said, "You're a very lucky salarian. You owe the commander your life."

Dr. Saleon then scoffed, "Oh. Thank you so very much!" Within seconds, Shepard gunned the salarian down. Garrus was extremely confused at why Noelle would try to save the doctor, only to shoot him herself.

"And so he dies anyway. What was the point of that?"

Shepard looked at Garrus sincerely and explained, "You can't predict how people will act, Garrus. But you can control how you'll respond. In the end, that's what really matters."

Sensing Shepard's sincerity, Garrus loosened his muscles and responded, "Yeah. I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander." At that, Shepard smiled, and all Garrus's tension disappeared. If he questioned the decision to show the doctor mercy before, all doubts were gone now.

Garrus had returned to the ship and resumed his regular business. Later that night, Shepard called everyone on the crew into the mess hall. She sounded very serious and Garrus rushed to see what was going on. By the time he got there, almost everyone else had arrived as well. Shepard cleared her throat and began to speak.

"Crew, we're getting close to the end. We have Saren on the run and I have some information that may tip the scales in our favor. The Council just contacted me via the comm room and revealed some interesting intel. A branch of the Salarian Special Tasks Group has been investigating the planet Virmire, looking for a connection to Saren. It appears they've found it. A few days ago the Council received a beacon containing no information from the STG. However, the beacon was sent on a mission-critical station. We _need _to go to Virmire and investigate. This could be the one thing we need to finally figure out what the Conduit is, and how to find it before Saren does. That being said, I'm hoping to speak to each of you individually in my cabin throughout the evening to discuss specific battle strategies, as well as personal matters. I'll call you up one by one on the comm and you can join me. Dismissed."

Garrus had noticed that during the entire speech, Shepard barely looked anyone in the eye. He didn't know what had her so frazzled about this mission in particular, but when he went to her cabin, he was hoping she would have some answers.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Forgive the Insubordination

Author: mpissott

Game: Mass Effect

Characters/Pairings: Garrus Vakarian/Femshep (Noelle Shepard)

Disclaimer: All recognizable content belongs to Bioware.

After her speech, Noelle Shepard returned to her cabin to prepare what she is going to say to each member of her crew. She took a deep breath to compose herself. If this really was almost the end, it certainly didn't feel like she'd thought it would. Her stomach was in knots and she felt like she was on the verge of tears. She thought she would feel victorious and celebratory. She was just afraid of what was to come. It was all so uncertain.

Shepard shook her thoughts and began inviting crew members up. First she spoke to Tali, Wrex, Liara, and Ashley. She discussed formal matters, like strategy, but she also spoke about personal matters. They all spoke about family, youth, and many other seemingly trivial topics. It made her feel good to know her crew so well. It was especially rewarding to talk to Liara about her mother. Shepard couldn't imagine losing her mother, no matter what she had become.

Next on Shepard's list was Kaidan. She had barely spoken to Kaidan since they broke up, with the exception of choosing him to confront Dr. Saleon with her and Garrus. She felt as though she had something to prove to Kaidan about her and Garrus. There was nothing going on...even if Shepard wished that there was. Garrus had held her the night before, and flirted with her this morning, but since then, he was mostly quiet. She wasn't sure if it was because of his nerves about the mission, or if she had done something to offend him.

Shepard brought her mind back to Kaidan. She didn't want to be on bad terms with him. This meeting was arranged in the hopes that they could talk out their issues and remain friends. She needed friends with the way she was feeling, and hoped Kaidan could sense that.

Within a minute of that thought, the lieutenant strode in casually. "Hey, Shepard," Kaidan said, in a seemingly polite manner, "What's up?"

Noelle took a breath before starting, "Kaidan, I'm sorry. When you confronted me about Garrus, it just set me off. I was insulted that you would question me and I handled the situation like a total ass. I really hope we can be friends and that you don't hate me because-" Shepard had to stop mid sentence and look up. She heard Kaidan laughing, which confused her. "Um, Kaidan...you okay?"

Alenko composed himself and retorted, "Yeah, Shepard, I'm good. I'm not mad at you. I've just never heard you talk so frantically. I understand why you ended things. I was acting really weird and spastic about you and Garrus's friendship. Honestly, I should have known that you would figuratively kick me in the balls for bringing it up." That made Shepard smile. She relaxed her muscles and allowed herself to pause for thought. Before she could speak, Kaidan started. "Shepard," he said tentatively, "Since things are okay between us, I was wondering if I could ask you a question...friend to friend."

Shepard didn't like how Kaidan said it, but she decided she might as well let him ask. She nodded and he said, "Garrus...you really are in love with him, aren't you?"

Shepard sighed. Ordinarily this is a question she would dodge, but it didn't even seem like it was worth it anymore. "How did you know?" she asked.

This caused Kaidan to laugh even harder. "Come on, Shepard! You're a person who stands up for what they believe in, and I've never seen you stand up for someone so much. You want to protect him. Not that you don't want to protect the rest of the crew, but...I don't know, it feels different when you talk to him. When we were on the MSV Fedele, and you prevented him from killing Dr. Saleon...I just knew."

"Geez, do I make it that obvious? I feel like such an idiot!"

"Noelle, don't worry. Garrus and the rest of the crew have no clue. I'm just really observant. If you haven't noticed, I kind of watch you a lot."

That elicited a chuckle from Shepard. He had a point. "So, you're not mad at me for being in love with him?"

"No, not at all. You can't help how you feel. I wish you'd told me sooner, but it is what it is."

"Thanks, Kaidan" Shepard sighed, relieved that his question had not prompted another argument. Kaidan promised not to tell anyone. They sat talking for a while. Kaidan spoke about a girl named Rahna from his biotic training camp, and Shepard teased him about what a romantic he is. They briefly discussed strategy, though going into their mission, Shepard had no clue what to expect. Then he left.

Now...time for Garrus. Hopefully they would sort out whatever was bothering him. She called him up, and within minutes he was at her cabin door.

"Shepard, I hope you don't mind, I brought up some booze for us to drink. It's not been an easy day."

Shepard smiled and said, "That's perfect. How are you feeling about everything that happened today?"

Garrus sighed and rubbed his neck while pouring two different kinds of liquor into two glasses. He handed one to Shepard and started, "I don't know, honestly. It seems so strange. When you told me to spare him, I didn't expect him to run. But, I feel validated after seeing all those test subjects he had running around. Shepard...I want to thank you. You're constantly saving me from myself. If I would have ruthlessly killed the doctor...well, the victory wouldn't have felt the same, that's for sure. How about you, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly? Terrified," Shepard whispered. "I feel so silly being this scared. But this is really the first time I've been extremely attached to my crew. I look at all of you as my best friends, some of you even feel like family. I'm just...I don't want to screw up. I don't want another Torfan."

"Shepard, why do you keep bringing up Torfan?" Garrus asked, with a bit more bite than Shepard would've expected. "Torfan is not the one memorable thing you've done. You're memorable enough on your own without it. You need to stop letting it drag you down. Nothing is going to happen to the crew. And if something does, you will do everything in your power to save everyone you can. You know that."

"Can I hug you, Garrus?"

He looked perplexed at this question. "Why would you even ask? Of course. Is something else wrong?"

"I...it just seemed like you were mad or distant."

"No, Shepard. I've just had a really rough day. I was really worried about you all day, too." Garrus stuttered. With that, Shepard hugged him.

"We should be arriving on Virmire in the morning," Shepard said. "If that's the case, I need some rest. Goodnight, Garrus."

"Goodnight, Shepard."

The next day, the crew arrived at Virmire. Shepard brought Garrus and Ashley. They had to touch down in the Mako because there were AA guns shooting at the Normandy. They fought their way through waves of geth until they arrived at the salarian STG base. Since they had previously disabled the AA guns, the Normandy was able to touch down and the remaining crew stepped off. Shepard located the STG captain, a man named Kirrahe.

From Kirrahe, she learned that Saren was cloning krogan; apparently he found a cure for the genophage. This immediately caught Wrex's attention. Shepard had a stand off with him over whether or not to destroy the base, and therefore the cure, but eventually she was able to talk him down. The thought of having to shoot Wrex scared her; she had grown to care for the krogan, and learned a lot about him in his time on the Normandy.

When Shepard quelled Wrex's anger, she returned to Kirrahe, hoping he had come up with a plan. Sure, he came up with a plan, but it was terrifying. She had to send one of her squad members to infiltrate the base with Kirrahe and his team, while two squad members and herself prepared to plant a nuke at the base's center. Shepard didn't like having to give up one of her crew; not that she didn't trust her crew, but she didn't want to put their lives in anyone else's hands. In the end, Shepard chose to send Ashley with the STG. She knew that if there was one soldier that would persevere, it was her.

Everything up to that point in the mission was child's play. When Shepard, Garrus, and Tali snuck into the base, everything became a hundred times worse. As they fought through impossible amounts of geth, they did everything they could to help Kirrahe's team, and therefore Ashley. Shepard could feel the stress building in her body as every minute passed. Eventually, they reached the center of the facility, but not before encountering another Prothean beacon. Shepard reluctantly took the imprint from the beacon, but before she could exit the room, an AI interface popped up. It turned out that this wasn't an AI interface-it was a Reaper. It called itself Sovereign, the name of Saren's ship. The day was just getting better and better.

The Normandy pulled into the cloning facility when Shepard and her team reached the center, and Alenko came out, bomb in hand, with the help of others. While Kaidan was working on the bomb, Ashley reached out to Shepard on the comm. She was in trouble and needed help. With Alenko's approval, the team set out to find Ashley. However, on their way, they saw another geth dropship, flying over to where Kaidan was. There wasn't enough time to save both of them, as Alenko had armed the bomb. He wanted the bomb to go off, no matter what.

How was Shepard supposed to make a decision like this? Ashley had become one of her best friends, but she had trusted Kaidan, too. She had even admitted her secret to him. They were both amazing soldiers. Shepard couldn't decide, but she had to.

She sighed. "Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us on the AA tower."

"Yes, Commander. I…"

"It's the right choice. And you know it, Ash," Kaidan interjected.

Shepard held back her tears long enough to say, "I'm sorry Kaidan. I had to make a choice."

Kaidan replied, "I understand, Noelle. I don't regret a thing." Shepard disconnected herself from Kaidan's comm channel after that. She didn't want to hear him die, and she didn't want him to hear her crying.

When they arrived at the AA tower, Saren greeted them. Shepard accused him of being indoctrinated, and Saren argued, somehow unable to see what the Reapers had done to him. It was futile. They fought. Towards the end of the fight, Saren grabbed her and choked her. Shepard thought she was going to die. But she saw Saren look away, and took the opportunity to land a punch right on his mandible, successfully causing him to release her from his grasp. Saren flew away and so did the Normandy crew, Kirrahe and what was left of his team in tow.

Shepard couldn't even think straight. She couldn't think at all, actually. When she tried to think, everything went to Kaidan. She had just told Garrus a few nights ago that no one on the crew was going to die. She let all of them down, none more than Kaidan. She couldn't process whether it was the right decision or not; couldn't handle any emotion. When she arrived on the Normandy, all she did was take off her helmet, drop it in the CIC, and walk silently to her cabin. She turned on the shower water, stepped in, still in her armor, and began to sob. She cried and screamed until she couldn't anymore.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she entered the shower, and she didn't care, until she heard someone come through her door. She still didn't have the energy to acknowledge whoever it was.

"Shepard?" she heard the turian say. Hearing Garrus only made her cry more. She felt like she had let him down. Her words kept repeating in her head. She had let everyone down.

When Shepard's only response was violent sobbing, Garrus opened the shower door and stepped in. Shepard's head was resting on the wall, and the rest of her was limp, only her legs standing at attention to hold her weight. Garrus put his hand on her shoulder, and when she didn't react, he turned her around and pulled her into him. He grasped her tightly, and she sobbed into his chest.

"I ruined _everything_, Garrus. Alenko is dead because of me. It's my fault. I couldn't save all of them. I should have done more."

"Listen, Shepard," Garrus started, "I know if I try to make you feel better right now it will only make things worse. If I help you get your armor off and then wait outside, will you shower? When we get out, we can talk about whatever you want, for however long you want to. Is that okay?"

Shepard nodded, hugging Garrus tighter before relinquishing his grasp. He helped her remove her armor. Shepard had expected the turian to look at her strangely; she thought he would either look at her scars and be disgusted, or look at her figure as though he was checking her out, but he didn't. He just helped her when she needed it. He wasn't looking for anything from it, just to make her feel better. He knew that she needed help, and he just did it selflessly. Shepard didn't deserve a friend like him.

When they were finished, Garrus exited the shower so Shepard could actually get clean. It was going to be a long night for her and Garrus.


	7. Chapter 7

Garrus took Shepard's time in the shower to run and shower himself. He knew she shouldn't be left alone tonight, so he was less thorough than he wished to be, but it got the job done. When he went back into her cabin, she was dressed in black sweatpants, and a hoodie he recognized to be Kaidan's. Her wet, increasingly long hair was up in a loose bun. Garrus could immediately see that Shepard was still feeling strained. She had circles under her eyes, only magnified by her crying. She looked pale and tired.

"Garrus," she said, trying to bring out more enthusiasm in her voice than she could manage, "I was wondering where you were."

"Yeah, I didn't think hanging out here all dirty in my armor was going to be too comfortable. I tried to get back up here before you got out."

"No, it's fine-I-I just am glad that you came back." She said, with a very small smile.

Garrus sat down in Shepard's desk chair. "So," he asked, "What's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Well, I was figuring you could join me over here and we could just watch cheesy vids until we pass out. You down?"

"Sure," Garrus replied as he tucked himself under the covers with Shepard. Shepard put on a corny romance vid and tucked herself into Garrus. He tried to comfort her wordlessly the whole time, stroking her back and her hair, until halfway through the movie he felt her shuddering. When he looked down, she was crying. He hated seeing her like this. Noelle was so strong, it didn't feel right for her to be so broken.

He turned off the vid and held her for a while, allowing her to cry. When her breathing slowed, Garrus asked, "Do you want to talk about it, Noelle?"

Shepard ran her hands through her hair, taking out her bun in the process. "Yes...no...I don't know," she sighed. "I mean, it's just so hard to swallow. Just last night we talked everything out, decided to be friends. Now he's gone. I mean, hell, I didn't love him, but it wasn't really about that, you know? He was a part of my crew, a friend. I wasn't close to my unit when Torfan happened...this time is so different. And now I feel like this legacy of letting my crew die is just never going to leave. I guess that makes me selfish, right? Put more thought into my reputation than the fact that Kaidan is...dead. Maybe I deserve the rep after all."

Garrus's stomach fluttered at one statement that Shepard had made: she didn't love him. She didn't love Kaidan, and that made Garrus feel something he didn't expect. He was happy. He didn't want her to love Kaidan. Garrus didn't like to speak ill of the dead, but Kaidan was not on Shepard's level. No one was. That's when Garrus realized his feelings. Why he had been disturbed when Noelle and Kaidan first started dating, why their flirtation threw him off...he wanted to be with her.

"Garrus…" Shepard interrupted his thoughts. "Ya got anything for me here?" Her signature smirk returned to her face for a fleeting moment, causing Garrus to smile himself.

"Yeah, sorry," he chucked. "I don't think anything that you're feeling right now makes you selfish. I actually think you're quite the opposite. No one cares for their crew like you do, Noelle. You wanting everyone to survive is anything but selfish. Even if your thoughts went to your reputation, why shouldn't they? I mean, you did _everything _you could on Virmire, and for people to assume otherwise is an insult. Even though you didn't love Kaidan, you cared a whole lot-romantic or platonic, you didn't want him to die. You didn't sacrifice him for the cause. He sacrificed himself, Shepard."

"I just keep feeling like that should've been me-"

"_No_," Garrus snapped. "Shepard-and, I hate to put pressure on you when I say this-if this is going to end in our favor, you need to be the one leading the charge against Saren and the Reapers. You know it, Kaidan knew it...that's why he activated the bomb, not you. Alenko was a dedicated soldier that was just doing his job, and in the end he'll be remembered that way. Because his sacrifice is going to allow you to do what needs to be done. I know it may not exactly be what you want to hear, but it's true."

Noelle pondered his speech for a moment, and then retorted, "You're right. I can't let Kaidan's sacrifice be in vain. We're going to stop Saren and the Reapers, and when we do, everyone will know of his sacrifice. Thank you, Garrus, for reminding me that this is so much bigger than me. I just wish...I mean, I can't even deliver his tags to his family. I can't even give them that closure."

"Maybe you can speak with them after this is all over. Talk about Kaidan, laugh with them, help them move on."

"You're right," Noelle said. "Damn," she giggled, "all this stress is making me hungry. I haven't eaten since a little before we arrived at Virmire. Gaaaaarrrrus, can you be a dear and make me some food?"

He could tell he made her feel better. "Sure, Shepard," he chuckled, "as long as when I get back here we can put a comedy on instead of these cheesy romance vids."

"Deal." She said with his favorite smile.

Fifteen minutes later he returned to her, bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich in hand. It was her favorite food, but Garrus's first time making it. He hoped he wouldn't disappoint. He gave it to Shepard and she devoured it.

The rest of the night they put on comedy vids and laughed as much as possible. Nothing was back to normal, and wouldn't be for a while, but it was better. Garrus put on a second vid, when Shepard looked up at him, and laced her fingers in with his.

"Thank you, Garrus. You're an amazing friend."

With that statement, she placed a single kiss on Garrus's cheek. If turians could blush, he would be right now. It took everything in his power not to put on an enormous smile and return her kiss. "I only give you what you deserve, Noelle." She smiled, rested her head on his shoulder, and they slowly drifted off.

The next morning, Garrus woke up hours before Shepard. They had fallen asleep holding hands, bringing a smile to Garrus's face and butterflies to his stomach. When he was sure she wouldn't wake, he placed a light kiss on her hand, relinquished it, and walked to the mess hall to make her breakfast.

When he arrived, he was greeted by Tali preparing her own breakfast. He began making Shepard anything he could think of that humans ate for breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, potatoes. She needed to start the day off right. She deserved it. Garrus was lost in his thoughts when Tali interrupted. "Garrus, why aren't you cooking with the dextro ingredients?" Her voice indicated that she already knew the answer.

"U-uhh," he stuttered, "This is for Shepard, actually. She's still asleep, but…" He trailed off, not knowing what excuses to make for him making her breakfast.

She grabbed her own food, and when she was making her way back down to engineering, she stopped and rested a hand on his shoulder. "You are _way _smoother than you think, Vakarian," she said. This elicited a chuckle from Garrus. "Thanks, Tali, " he responded, placing his hand on top of hers, "But please, don't give away my secret, okay?"

"Of course not," she replied. He could swear that even though he couldn't see her smile, he could hear it in her voice.

Garrus continued cooking, and then took the food back into Shepard's room. She was still asleep, so he sat on the bed and shook her lightly on her shoulder. "Shepard," he whispered, "It's time to wake up."

Shepard grunted and turned to face him, but her face was covered in hair. She tousled it, removing it from her view, and took a deep breath in. When she did, her expression changed. She opened her eyes and said, "Do I smell bacon, Vakarian?"

Garrus had to chuckle at Shepard's change of heart. She was a mess in the morning, but still beautiful. "You bet your ass, Shepard. Fixed you a nice human breakfast all by myself."

Shepard sat up and tied her hair into a loose bun on the top of her head. "I'm flattered, Garrus. Now let's see if your turian ass can actually manage to cook human food."

Noelle put a little bit of everything on her fork, and put the whole thing in her mouth. She chewed, closing her eyes and sighing, "Holy shit man! You need to cook me breakfast every morning." Shepard smirked and Garrus returned it, pleased by the thought.

"Well, I figured you'd need a pick me up before the debriefing."

Her expression dropped at that, "Oh fuck, I forgot about that. I need to write the report for the Council before that. Ugh! I don't want to deal with this sometimes."

Before he knew it Shepard had finished her breakfast and was up, out of bed, and ready to shower. Just as she was getting ready to turn the water on, she turned to Garrus, smirked and said, "Just because you got to see me naked once, Vakarian, doesn't mean it'll happen again. I know what a pleasure it was, but this isn't a regular occurrence."

Garrus stood up to make his exit, but an idea struck him. He got behind Shepard, as close to her ear as possible and hummed, "And here I thought I could join you."

He looked at Shepard and noticed her cheeks flushing. Just as he was walking away, he felt her whip his butt with the towel and yell, "Ass!" But when Garrus turned around, she was smirking.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard just stood in the shower for a few moments, contemplating everything that happened within the last 24 hours. Kaidan's death was obviously the most important, and the most difficult to swallow. But, at the end of the day, putting your life on the line for the cause was part of the job. Everything that happened afterwards was more confusing. Shepard was extremely grateful for Garrus's help. If it weren't for him, she probably wouldn't have made it out of the shower last night. He was a perfect gentleman about the whole situation. But everything that happened after...Noelle didn't know what to do with that. They cuddled, fell asleep holding hands...he even made her two meals. And what was he trying to accomplish by flirting with her this morning? Of course, her and Garrus have playfully flirted before, but for a second she thought he might be serious. If he was...well she didn't really know what to do with that. Sure, she was interested in Garrus, and if their relationship changed, she wouldn't be upset. But she wasn't used to him being so forward.

Noelle shook her thoughts and finished her shower. She needed to talk to the team, see what they could figure out from the beacon on Virmire. She put on Kaidan's hoodie again-she just wasn't ready to let that go yet-grabbed coffee, and headed into the cockpit. She gave Joker her report for the Council and called everyone to the comm room.

Shepard sat down in her usual spot. Ashley was the first to arrive after her. Ashley sat down and sighed, "I...I can't believe Kaidan is gone. How could we just leave him down there?"

Shepard returned the sigh, "Alenko knew the risks going in. He gave his life to save the rest of us."

"It should've been me, Commander. You know that."

With that, Shepard grew slightly angry. "It wasn't your call, Williams. I had to choose, I chose you."

"I-I'm sorry, Commander," Ashley retorted, "You saved my life, I'm grateful for that. But it should've been me. Alenko was a superior officer. I would've gladly stayed behind."

Shepard snapped, "Ash, how far are you gonna drive yourself? Are you trying to be a martyr to redeem your grandfather's honor?"

"That's not fair!" She could see that she hit a nerve.

"What the public and the military did to him was unfair, but I don't wanna lose a good soldier over it." Shepard didn't want to argue with Ashley; didn't want to have to say that Ash was a better soldier than Kaidan. That wasn't an opinion Noelle was ready to voice, it would be too disrespectful to Kaidan's memory.

"Aye aye, Commander." Williams conceded. Shepard knew a great deal about survivor's guilt; she suffered in silence from it after Torfan, and could see it written all over Ash's face. Shepard wanted to help, so that Williams didn't fall into the same trap as she did.

With that, Liara interrupted, which made Shepard realize that everyone had arrived, God knows how long ago. Liara suggested that they join their minds to see if the beacon on Virmire had cleared up any of Shepard's visions. Shepard was tired, but reluctantly agreed. The mission had to go on, regardless of losing Kaidan.

Through joining their minds, Liara was able to figure out the location of the conduit. It was on Ilos, which you could get to through the Mu Relay. It was all coming together. Now, they just had to wait on the Council. Just as the meeting adjourned, Joker called over the comm, saying, "I forwarded the mission update to the Citadel, Commander. We've got confirmation on those reinforcements. Ambassador Udina wants us to report back to the Citadel. The Council's massing a joint-species fleet to deal with Saren and his geth."

Shepard smiled. Finally, the Council was listening! "Took them long enough!" she shouted. "Back to the Citadel, Joker. I want the Normandy at the head of that fleet."

A few hours after arriving at the Citadel, Shepard and the crew ended up back at the Normandy, on lockdown. That was definitely _not _how Shepard envisioned the day going. How did this happen, you ask? Well...Shepard and the crew docked at the Citadel, and she brought Ashley and Garrus with her to the Citadel Tower. Shepard expected to be coordinating the attack on Saren at Ilos; instead, the Council planned an attack of their own.

"Good job, Shepard," Udina said, smiling (or his version of it), "Thanks to you the Council's finally taking real action against Saren."

Shepard returned the smile, but it was cut short by the interruption of the Council.

"The ambassador is correct," the asari council member started, "If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel, as you believe, we will be ready for him."

Shepard's expression changed immediately as she looked to Garrus and Ashley. They will be ready for him? They're not taking the fight _to _him?

The turian councilor explained, "Patrols will be stationed at every mass relay linking Citadel Space to the Terminus Systems."

Noelle couldn't believe what she was hearing. She could see Ash and Garrus seething, and it lit a fire inside of her. "You think a blockade's going to stop him? He's on Ilos looking for the Conduit right now! What are you doing about that?"

The salarian councilor explained, "Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep inside the Terminus Systems, Commander. If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is full-scale war." This did nothing to quell Shepard's anger.

Udina turned to Shepard and said, "Now is the time for discretion, Commander. Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over."

"Sovereign is the real threat. Saren's just a servant of the Reapers!"

The asari councilor chimed in, "Only you have seen the Reapers. And then, only in visions. We won't invade the Terminus Systems because of a dream."

"One ship going into the Terminus Systems won't start a war. I can be discreet." Noelle couldn't believe that the Council was doing this.

The turian councilor retorted, "You detonated a nuclear device on Virmire! I wouldn't call that discreet."

"Your style served you well in the Traverse, Commander," the asari councilor continued, "We recognize that. But Ilos requires a deft touch. We have the situation under control."

Noelle felt like she was being punched in the face. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but didn't let the Council see. She didn't give them the satisfaction. "If Saren finds the Conduit, we're all screwed. We have to go to Ilos!"

"Ambassador Udina, I get the sense Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go." Boy, did she was to punch the turian councilor right in his mandible.

"There are serious political implications here, Shepard. Humanity's made great gains thanks to you, but now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth."

"You bastard!" Ashley screamed, "You're selling us out!" It was good that Ashley interjected. Shepard couldn't speak, she was so shocked. She felt like someone punched her right in her gut.

Udina stepped towards the Council, adjusted his posture and said, "It's just politics, Commander. You've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out all the Normandy's primary systems. Until further notice, you're grounded."

That broke Shepard. "Are you insane? After _everything _I've done you _still_ don't believe me!"

"I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this, with my help, of course."

And that's how Shepard ended up sitting by her locker, trying to figure out how to get out of lockdown. She'd tried everything, all official channels were closed. If she didn't figure out something-

"Hey," she heard a deep voice mutter. She looked up and Garrus was there, "Want some company?" He looked like he didn't know whether he should be asking or not; if it was the right thing to do.

Shepard was still tense, but seeing Garrus made her feel a bit better. "Sure, plop down right here." She patted a spot on the floor next to her.

For a few minutes, there was an awkward silence. It was only awkward because she could see Garrus out of the corner of her eye; he was struggling for something to say, wringing out his hands nervously and fidgeting. After what felt like forever, he just said, "I can't believe the Council is treating you like this. I-Is there anything I can do? Maybe go hand-to-hand with the turian councilor?"

She laughed at the remark. She should have known Garrus would pick up on her particular animosity for the turian councilor, especially after his comment about Virmire. "No, it's okay," she replied. "Let's just try to pretend that the world isn't reaching it's end, okay? So...tell me about your family. Where'd you grow up?"

"Well, I've already told you about my dad. He's a C-Sec man and doesn't like people who think they can skirt the law...I thought he wouldn't like you at first, but now I'm not so sure. I think he would see the honor you carry with you all the time. I have a sister, Solana. We don't get along all the time, but she's one of the funniest, nicest people I know; yet she doesn't pull punches when she feels angry or betrayed. She's kind of like you in that way, actually. Then...there's my mother. She was a beautiful, smart, sophisticated turian woman. I guess she's what you humans would call a "housewife", she always made sure me and Sol were taken care of. But a few months ago, she got sick. Some kind of degenerative disease that affects memory. It's the turian equivalent of what the humans call Alzheimers, I think. I'm gonna be lucky if she remembers me the next time I visit home. We've been trying to get her treatments, but they're expensive and hard to find."

"Wow...that's quite a family you've got there. I'm sorry about your mom. Tell me more."

"Well," Garrus continued, "I grew up on Palaven, it's the turian homeworld. It's hot for humans, there's a lot of solar radiation, but not where I grew up. Most of the time we're away from the sun, so it's hot, but nothing too hot. By the time my parents had Sol and I, they moved into a beachfront home, paid for by my dad's C-Sec pension. I do miss the beach there."

Before Shepard could realize it, she was facing Garrus, with her hand on his leg. "I know you don't get to see them a lot, but your family should realize how much you love them. I can tell just from how you talk about them. And Palaven sounds beautiful, maybe if we don't all become ash under the strong arm of the Reapers, I can visit there with you."

Shepard noticed that Garrus moved closer under her touch. Their faces were almost touching. "Yeah...I'd like that," Garrus hummed. The sound that Garrus made was much more primal than anything she'd heard from him before. It was deep and...seductive. She felt them moving closer to each other. Just as their lips were about to touch…

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander." Joker's voice rung over the loudspeaker. "Got a message from Captain Anderson. The Captain said to meet him at Flux, that club down in the Wards."

Shepard closed her eyes, letting herself feel close to Garrus. She moved her hand from his leg up to his face, and touched her forehead to his. "I guess that's my cue," Shepard observed as she rose. She turned around with her signature smirk and said, "Suit up Vakarian, you're coming with me."


	9. Chapter 9

Garrus, Shepard and Wrex stepped off the Normandy and made their way to Flux to see Anderson. He wondered what Anderson wanted, but his mind was entertained by other thoughts. Like what the hell would have happened if Joker wouldn't have interrupted him and Shepard. Of course, he knew what would've happened. They were going to kiss. What Garrus couldn't understand was why. Noelle Shepard was beautiful, funny, intelligent, and someone that any man or woman in the galaxy would want. Garrus couldn't figure out what exactly Shepard could see in him. But she definitely saw something.

It turned out that Anderson wanted to discuss a plan with Shepard to break the Normandy out of its lockdown. This involved Anderson putting himself on the line. Garrus had to admire his determination. Now, Shepard and the rest of the crew were waiting in the cockpit with Joker; as soon as the shackles were released, the Normandy would be through the relay. Shepard was ready to celebrate. She poured everyone on the crew a shot, telling everyone to drink as the ship went through the relay. She certainly had an interesting mentality for what could be their final mission.

The ship made it through the relay, and the whole crew cheered; Anderson came through. Shepard took her bottle of rum and shouted, "Now, if you all don't mind, I'll be in my quarters having a celebration of my own!" She bumped her hip against Garrus and said, "If any of you wanna stop by, be my guest. But tomorrow is gonna be a busy day."

Was that his cue to visit her? He thought so. He returned to his area by the Mako to get changed into more casual clothes, and then took the elevator up to the mess hall. As he was walking to Shepard's quarters, he heard increasingly loud music coming from them. He stopped before opening the door to listen to her singing.

_Ooh, crazy's what they think about me_

_Ain't gonna stop cause they tell me so_

_Cause 99 miles per hour baby,_

_Is how fast that I like to go._

He laughed at her enthusiasm. It almost prevented him from walking in entirely, but he had to see if she was dancing. When he opened the door he expected her to stop whatever she was doing to greet him. Instead, she saw him, took a sip from her bottle, and continued to sing.

_Can't keep up with my rhythm_

_Though they keep trying._

_Too quick for the lines they throw._

_I walk to the sound of my own drum,_

_It goes, they go, we go, hey yeah yeah yeah_

While she was singing, she decided to dance over to him and take his hand, forcing him to dance along with her. He could tell she had a lot to drink, so he put his hand on the small of her back and pulled her toward him to steady her. In response, she put her arm around his neck, relinquishing the bottle of alcohol and putting it on the table. She continued to sing the upbeat song to him, and he danced with her, matching the sway of her hips.

"Shepard, just how drunk are you?" Garrus joked. He knew she liked to drink, but had never actually seen her drunk.

"Well Garrus," she started, "let's just say very. I'm very happily, comfortably drunk." She smiled at him; he believed her.

"I didn't expect this amount of fanfare from you."

"Ah, it's better than getting depressed worrying about all the people we could lose," Shepard whispered. "That's scary. It's reality. I'm okay with this being my reality, if only for the night."

Of course she was worried. He knew that the cheering and joking was a side she showed everyone. This side, the tender, worried and soft side of Shepard, was reserved just for Garrus. And while he didn't want her to feel that way, he was glad he got to see this special dimension of Noelle Shepard.

"Noelle," he started, "I'm not gonna lie. We could lose some people; we also could lose no one-"

"Shh, shh," she whispered, putting her finger to his mouth to quiet him. "We don't need to talk about it tonight. I don't want one of your uplifting speeches this time. I just want you to be here with me, to dance with me."

And that's exactly what they did. Song after song, Garrus held her, danced and laughed with her. He was glad he could be there for her in any way at all. Even she needed support, and Garrus wanted nothing more than to support her.

After many upbeat songs, a slow one came on. Shepard laid her head on his chest and swayed to the lyrics.

_Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand_

_But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man_

_These nights never seem to go to plan_

_I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?_

"You know," Shepard spoke up. "I knew from the moment I met you that you were different. Not just from other turians, from everyone."

"I feel the same about you," Garrus responded, lightly brushing her hair. "You're unlike anyone I've ever met."

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But darling, stay with me_

"Garrus, you're the best friend a girl could ever ask for."

"Shepard, I only give you what you deserve."

_Why am I so emotional?_

_No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control_

_And deep down I know this never works_

_But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt_

While the song continued, Shepard looked up at him, and strengthened the grip of her hands behind his neck. She had tears in her eyes. She was just looking at him. She pulled his head down to meet hers and whispered, "I've wanted to do this for a really long time."

_Oh, won't you stay with me?_

_'Cause you're all I need_

_This ain't love, it's clear to see_

_But darling, stay with me_

And before Garrus knew it, they were kissing. She kissed him softly at first. It was like nothing Garrus had ever experienced before. Her lips were so soft. He wanted more. As though she sensed it, she deepened the kiss. He felt her tongue dance in his mouth, and he lifted her up. After a few minutes, Shepard drew back, resting her forehead on his.

"I don't know what's going to happen," she muttered. "But if I didn't do that, I know I'd regret it."

"I'm glad you did," Garrus replied, smiling so big that his face hurt. He lowered her to the ground, giving her a loving peck on the lips, followed by soft kisses on both of her cheeks.

This caused her to blush. She took his hand and attempted to pull him onto her bed, which shocked Garrus. Shepard could tell, so she said, "Damn Garrus, I'm not that easy! Just lay with me tonight, okay? I need you here."

Garrus was eager to oblige. Shepard laid on her side, facing the opposite direction of Garrus. He laid down beside her and put his arms around her, allowing her to find the perfect space for her body to nestle into his. He gave her one last kiss on the cheek and whispered.

"Noelle, you're beautiful." And before long, they were asleep.

Shepard woke up wrapped in Garrus's arms. Considering everything, she couldn't be happier. Sure, they could all die tomorrow, but this was still amazing. Everything she's wanted was laying next to her. She turned around, kissed his forehead and got up to shower. Her and the crew had a big day ahead, she wanted to be ready.

By the time she was out of the shower and dressed, Garrus just started to wake up. "Morning, sleepyhead," she said, trying to get the excess water out of her hair.

"Mmmm," Garrus groaned. She liked his morning voice. "I'm surprised you're up before me Shepard, with how much you drank last night." While he said this, he pulled Shepard by her hand, causing her to stumble back onto the bed. She toppled on top of him and giggled.

"Yeah, it was a hell of a night. I got so drunk I think I may have kissed a turian." With that, she rested her hand on Garrus's face and kissed him softly.

"I was hoping you weren't gonna regret that in the morning," Garrus muttered between kisses. "I could get used to kissing humans. Especially one specific human."

With that, Garrus flipped her over, putting his weight on top of her as he deepened their kiss. Shepard wrapped one leg around him and pulled him to her, allowing him to explore her mouth with his tongue and her body with his hands. Just as he moved to her neck…

"Oh, Commander! I'm sorry, I-" Ashley stuttered.

With a surprising amount of strength, Shepard pushed Garrus off of her and chuckled, rising off the bed. "It's okay Williams," she said reassuringly.

"Says you," Garrus retorted, causing Shepard to give him a scolding look as he tried to pull her back onto the bed.

She kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "I'll be back for you. I promise."

Shepard and Ash proceeded into the Mess Hall where she started making coffee for the two of them. "Sorry, Ash," she started, "Having the fate of the world on your shoulders has a way of bringing you together with people...I just wish it hadn't taken so long for us to realize it."

"I know, Ma'am," Ashley snickered, shocking the Commander. When Shepard gave her a questioning look, Ash said, "Oh, come on, Skipper! I've been waiting for it since I saw you two talking that first night. I may be a thick-headed military woman but I'm not _blind_, for Christ's sake!"

The conversation had both of them laughing. Shepard retorted, "You always such a smart ass to your commanding officer, Williams?" After their laughter subsided, Shepard paused and said, "It's nice...laughing like this. Sometimes you forget to come up for air with everything that's going on. Especially since Virmire."

"Yeah," Williams agreed. "That's actually kind of what I came up to talk to you about, Ma'am. I've been waiting for the right time to bring it up. Before the teams split up on Virmire, Kaidan and I got to talking. We knew that one of us wasn't going to be making it out of the mission alive. We could just feel it, you know?"

"Yeah, I understand."

"Well," Ashley continued, "since we both felt that way, we wanted to make sure everything was in order. If we didn't return and they couldn't find our bodies...we swapped tags, so that the survivor could give the tags to you. They need to be returned to Kaidan's family."

Ash passed the tags as Noelle's eyes welled. She looked at his tags, really taking in the loss they had to deal with. She was upset before because she didn't have his tags, but now...this was bittersweet. She was pleased to have something to give to his family, but the reality of his death was hitting her. She closed her hand around the tags and looked up at Williams, only to see a tear forming in the corner of her eye as well. Shepard took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around Ash. After the initial shock passed, Williams wrapped her arms around the Commander; they stayed like that for a long time.

When they pulled apart, Ashley wiped the corners of her eyes and lightly chuckled. "Strong military women and we can still get reduced to a puddle," she joked. "Seriously though, thank you, Commander. I could've gotten sucked into survivor's guilt so easily. That, and I could have gotten so enveloped in my beliefs about aliens. You've really helped me. And if you'd allow me, I'd like to come with you to deliver Kaidan's tags after the mission."

"I'd be honored, Ash."

With that, they parted ways, and Shepard walked back to her cabin. She sat quietly on the edge of the bed, and Garrus brought himself to her and put his arms around her. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he muttered, "What's wrong, Noelle?"

He started petting her hair as he waited patiently for her answer. "Ash...gave me these," she started, showing Garrus Kaidan's tags. "I wanted them to bring back to his family, but this is all so real to me now. I mean, thank God more of you didn't...die," she cringed at the word, "but you could've. And you still could. We have the biggest mission of our lives ahead of us. I don't want anything to happen to any of you." She wrapped her arms around Garrus, who embraced her as she cried.

"Noelle, if I could guarantee that all of us would make it out of this alive, I would. But you'd know if I said that...it's a promise I don't know if I can keep, because I don't know what we're going to face. But I do know that you're the most competent Commander I've ever served under. If anyone could get us through this, it's you. You just need to trust in yourself and the decisions you make."

Shepard looked up at Garrus and enveloped him in a kiss. She put her forehead to his and whispered, "Thank you. For everything."

"I've got a few ways you could thank me," Garrus said, his primal growl coming out once again, sending shivers down Noelle's spine.

"Yeah I bet you do," Shepard said, crawling on top of Garrus.

Just as their lips were about to connect, Joker voiced over the comm, "5 minutes ETA to Ilos."

"Shit." Shepard heard Garrus mutter, causing her to laugh. "I can't get a break here."

"Don't worry," Shepard whispered, trying to imitate Garrus's growl, "We'll finish this mission, get some shore leave, and we'll get to have fun."

Shepard rose from the bed and went to put her armor on. _This is it_, she thought. _No matter what, after this mission, everything will be over._ The thought somehow managed to be calming, yet anxiety inducing at the same time.

Shepard and the rest of the crew travelled to the cockpit, preparing to finally descend to Ilos. "Uh, Commander," Joker started nervously, "We've got company."

"Have their sensors picked us up yet?" Liara inquired.

"The stealth systems _are_ engaged," Joker explained, "Unless we get close enough for a visual, they won't have any idea we're here."

This aroused debate from the crew, who were trying to figure out how and where to land without detection. Joker was sure he could drop them in the Mako close enough, but the others worried that there wasn't enough space to land.

Shepard knew that was a risk they had to take. "Joker…" she started.

He looked up at her. "I can _do it._" He sounded so confident.

"Ash, Garrus, gear up and head down to the Mako. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard."

Somehow, Joker managed the drop. Shepard knew she shouldn't be shocked by this, but Joker's abilities continued to surprise her. Just as they landed in the Mako, Saren and the geth went into a bunker and sealed it off. Williams, Garrus, and Shepard had to fight their way to a control that opened the door. Once they got through to the bunker, there was a surprising lack of geth or traps set for them. That is, until they reached a dead end.

It turned out a kinetic barrier was placed in front of them and behind them, leaving only one exit: a door on the right side of the Mako. This didn't seem like a trap set by Saren, so the three of them exited the Mako and took an elevator, where a VI was waiting for them.

The VI was constructed by the Protheans to explain their extinction, and how to stop it in the next cycle. The conduit was a mass relay linking Ilos to the Citadel. Once Saren went through the relay, he could make it to the Citadel Tower and enter codes to allow the Reapers access, leading to annihilation of every species in the galaxy. After gathering all possible information from the VI, they continued in the Mako, taking out small squadrons of geth along the way to the Conduit. Eventually, they reached a long tunnel, at the end of which was the Conduit, guarded by an unhealthy amount of Geth Colossus, Rocket Troopers and Juggernauts. The team's only option to get to the Conduit in time was to try to drive straight through and ignore the massive amount of geth shooting at them. Shepard drove the Mako faster than she even knew it could go. Her, Garrus and Ash were screaming, which was more entertaining and cathartic than Shepard imagined it would be at a time like this. As they were seconds from the relay, Garrus grasped her free hand, both of them literally holding on for dear life.


End file.
